Big cities seem to breed loneliness.
Sometimes the more people, the less of a person I feel.
I have to choose to remember the knack Jesus had at picking
a single person out of the crowd. A sick person with faith. That’s who I want
to be – a cripple who believes, because only a cripple can be healed (Mark 2:17).
One beautiful woman I met in
downtown Chicago reminds me of this. At first I hesitated at sharing her story
at all, because I didn’t want to devalue our interaction as just something
interesting to write about. But I think what little I know about her can show
us a glimpse of the human spirit God is looking for. She is homeless and makes a living
selling Streetwise magazines for $2 each. I have been talking to her every Wednesday
morning when I travel downtown for class.
Grace is a bold woman. Grace wears
a red “I love Jesus” bandana. She arrives at her church at 7 a.m. to help set
up for the service and serve snacks and coffee to people coming in the door.
She is one of the last ones to leave at the end of the service. The first thing
Grace always asks me is how I am doing, and the last thing she always says is “God
bless you and be safe.” But there's so much more.
Grace also does not have a State ID, birth certificate
or social security card and therefore cannot lease an apartment. She is living
with her son and has no way for me to contact her except to show up on her
street corner on Wednesday mornings. She realizes her past mistakes and
desperately wants to start over again. She knows she needs to take difficult
steps to get there. When I was helping her find resources for getting her State
ID, I warned her that some of the people at the DMV might be a little impatient
or harsh with her. She quickly said something to the effect of: ”Then we need
to pray! We need to pray that the person before me doesn’t put them in a bad
mood. Everybody has a bad day, so I am going to pray that the Lord doesn’t have
me go there on a bad day. And if they are in a bad mood, I am going to bless
them, thank them for helping me (because they did!) and wish them a great day.
It’s a humbling experience. And I need to humble myself.” Of course, I’m
worried that she might be shocked at how poorly she is treated at the DMV. As
if this hasn’t happened every day to Grace. As if she doesn’t have a Savior to
rely on and a love for humility to pursue.
Almost
a month has passed since I actually began this post. Three Wednesdays ago,
before I left Chicago for my graduation, Grace was not on her street
corner. My thoughts plummeted. Maybe her son finally did kick her out and she
couldn’t manage to make it there to keep selling magazines? Maybe she is hurt?
The next Wednesday she wasn’t there either.
Or
maybe she actually got her State ID. And maybe she is living in her own
apartment and began a different job. I try to hope. And I just find myself
begging God to protect her.
So, I
don’t know where this leaves me. Perhaps a lack of faith. Perhaps a grasp on the
reality of the homeless lifestyle. “Truly
I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even
the least of them, you did it to Me.” (Matthew 25:40) I want to suggest
that Grace ministered to me. Indeed, in humility, experience,
wisdom, dedication to God next to Grace I am the “least of these.” And God used
her in my life. Why is it that I’m so tempted to see Him putting me in her
life, and not the other way around? She graciously gave up her time, wisdom and
cheery outlook to me even when she has been misused and mistreated by so many
other people like me. Even those who seem to have good intentions are often
seeking self-righteousness or self-gratification through helping others, as I
have done many times. It's disgusting, and I pray that God never lets me do it again.
Maybe Grace is worried about me. Wondering where I went. And
begging God to protect me. I can only wonder.
For a practical update: I have ended my internship. I am
spending the summer in Chicago. Today I moved into an apartment in Rogers Park,
the neighborhood in which many refugees I worked with live (It is actually the
most diverse zip code in the US). I am working at a coffee shop right next door
to my church.
Last week I was at graduation at Hope College. It was a
bittersweet time. Now it’s mostly bitter, as I had to say goodbye to many dear
friends. I know in the future it will become sweeter as I begin new relationships,
God begins a new season of my life, and as I keep in touch and continue to grow
in some older relationships.
Please pray for God to bring about connections in this
neighborhood and make it clear exactly what His purpose for me is, in my own
character growth and walk with Him as well as ministries while I am here for
three months.
More updates about the fall to come later….
“You keep Him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You,
because he trusts you.” Isaiah 26:2
