Pleasing people...

I thought I'd share a journal entry from October, that still rings true as the Lord continues to confront me with my idol of people-pleasing, especially as I am involved in relationship-focused ministry.

"If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Titus 1:16

"How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?" John 5:44

"October 15, 2012
Tonight I am battling this overwhelming sense of needing to prove to myself and everyone else that I am a desirable, talented, worthy person. I'm also very lonely and empty in this battle.

The irony is that I am not in and of myself desirable, talented or worthy. It should be no surprise that I make huge mistakes, hurt people, say awkward things, turn against God.

The beauty and absolute counter-cultural horror is that, Christ steps in and says, 'Only because I desire you, you are desired (even though you are actually utterly detestable). Only because I am worthy, in you can be found worth (though by yourself you are nothing). Because I redeem and perfect your actions, they actually come to something (but by themselves they will only destruct). All of these things are from and found in Me.'

'I command you to remain in me (John 15) because I give you the permission and ability to, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Others' opinions don't have to run your life. Situations don't have to change you. I am the source of your fulfillment, of your wholeness, of any beauty in your life. You may run to the gifts I've given you to seek fulfillment now, but I tell you that they will never satisfy your deepest longings. Never.

Can you trust in the Giver to give you what you need? Even to the point of death ("Even in death the righteous have a refuge" Prov. 14:32)? 

My gifts are only ever meant to turn you to me, for I want to see your face upturned to mine, my child. I long to hear your voice whispering to me throughout the day. I want to you to confess your fears, your desires, your joys, your pains to me. I want to hold your hand, but as long as you are groping for something else, I can't.'"

The Peace of God

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 

 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4: 4-7

How many times have I heard this verse? And yet, living out the truth of it is still an intense struggle. God has used some recent events to show me the level of fear, distrust and anxiety in my heart when it comes to my residents' well-being. A lie lives inside me, feeding off my pride, that says I know better. I know what they need after all the abuse and loss they have experienced. This leads to anger at God when He doesn't do what I think He needs to do in order for them to grasp the gospel and submit to Christ. 

The question is, do I trust God to be good in all His actions, what He allows to happen, to me and to the people I love?

"And shall I pray Thee change Thy will, my Father,

            Until it be according unto mine?

            But, no, Lord, no, that never shall be, rather

            I pray Thee blend my human will with Thine.

            I pray Thee hush the hurrying, eager longing,

            I pray Thee soothe the pangs of keen desire -

            See in my quiet places, wishes thronging -

            Forbid them, Lord, purge, though it be with fire.

            And work in me to will and do Thy pleasure

            Let all within me, peaceful, reconciled be

            Until at last, at last, I am content with Thee."

- Amy Carmichael

Often that "peace of God, which transcends all understanding" is wished upon people, as if it were a new outfit arriving at your doorstep that you can put on in a moment.

But in reality this is a discipline, a heart attitude to develop- a constant rejoicing in who God is. His goodness does not change, though the circumstances around me will. I have the opportunity to develop gentleness in every situation, to respond with sweet reasonableness and meekness in the face of utter chaos, because God is unchanging and near. When I choose to fight anxiety by bringing and submitting my prayers to my Savior in the midst of worship and thanksgiving, at all times, then and only then will the peace of God reign in my heart.

As a wise pastor helped me see, when God becomes such a precious treasure to me that the greatest possible pain is losing my intimacy with Him, then suffering, loss, and rejection will fade in light of my closeness to God. This is truly the inner peace of God, pure contentment in Him, complete conviction of His goodness and faithfulness, in the face of evil around me. 

Oh, that God would teach me how to love deeply and compassionately care, while fully trusting His goodness even when difficult things happen to our residents.