It is with a heavy
heart, but also great hope and anticipation that I usher in 2015. It has been a
year covered by God's faithfulness, in all the joys and losses. My heart
overflows with gratitude for ways I saw Him move and hopefulness and trust for
things still yet to be understood. I have been reflecting on Psalm 77:19. The
Psalmist reminds us that His "way was through the sea… through the mighty
waters; yet His footprints were unseen." I find great solace in God's
unseen purposes and ways as I reflect on deep sorrow from 2014.
I want to tell you
about Teri. With a laugh like a spark that could spread a wildfire of smiles.
With a courage to obey Jesus in ways you and I have never had to face. I want
to tell you about the torment and loneliness
she battled every day. I want to tell you about the two years of laughter and
tears we shared over her victories, questions, doubts, and faith. But words can
hardly do merit to the incredible woman Teri was and the vast hole she left in
my life and in our home when she left us to be with Jesus on October 3rd.
Addiction,
loneliness, depression. These demons haunted Teri until her last days. I would
give anything to have made her battle a little bit easier. But Jesus never
promised for this life to be easy, He just promised that if we reach out for
Him in our struggles, He will enter into our pain and hold us. I saw Him hold
Teri as she battled every day for her life. The world would say that the demons
got the best of her, killing her through an overdose. But the world also
celebrated Satan's victory when Jesus' lungs filled with His own blood to the
point of suffocation. They didn't realize that the story wasn't over. And I
have full confidence that Teri's story isn't over either. This isn't the
"success" that I would have chosen for her, but it is what God chose.
And every day I have to choose again to believe that His unseen way, His unseen
purpose is better and more Christ-glorifying than mine.
I still walk out of
my bedroom, half expecting to bump into her and exchange snarky jokes about her
age or my love life. I wish I could text her to wish her a wonderful day and
let her know I am praying for her. But in those moments, when the reality stabs
deep, I have to try to rejoice in the powerful memories she left.
I went to tell you
about the day in February that I, along with her pastor, dipped Teri under
water after her public commitment to serve Christ. And the glow on her face for
the days following her baptism. I want to tell you about the people she
listened to, gave wise advice to and loved well. I want to tell you about the
day she told me she loved me. But there are always more stories to tell, images
to describe. And God is somehow weaving them all into His narrative, that
touched my life and many others. I will always cherish 2014 for giving me my
last moments to be with Teri.
