It's been a while...

Big cities seem to breed loneliness.

Sometimes the more people, the less of a person I feel.

I have to choose to remember the knack Jesus had at picking a single person out of the crowd. A sick person with faith. That’s who I want to be – a cripple who believes, because only a cripple can be healed (Mark 2:17).

One beautiful woman I met in downtown Chicago reminds me of this. At first I hesitated at sharing her story at all, because I didn’t want to devalue our interaction as just something interesting to write about. But I think what little I know about her can show us a glimpse of the human spirit God is looking for. She is homeless and makes a living selling Streetwise magazines for $2 each. I have been talking to her every Wednesday morning when I travel downtown for class. 

Grace is a bold woman. Grace wears a red “I love Jesus” bandana. She arrives at her church at 7 a.m. to help set up for the service and serve snacks and coffee to people coming in the door. She is one of the last ones to leave at the end of the service. The first thing Grace always asks me is how I am doing, and the last thing she always says is “God bless you and be safe.” But there's so much more.

Grace also does not have a State ID, birth certificate or social security card and therefore cannot lease an apartment. She is living with her son and has no way for me to contact her except to show up on her street corner on Wednesday mornings. She realizes her past mistakes and desperately wants to start over again. She knows she needs to take difficult steps to get there. When I was helping her find resources for getting her State ID, I warned her that some of the people at the DMV might be a little impatient or harsh with her. She quickly said something to the effect of: ”Then we need to pray! We need to pray that the person before me doesn’t put them in a bad mood. Everybody has a bad day, so I am going to pray that the Lord doesn’t have me go there on a bad day. And if they are in a bad mood, I am going to bless them, thank them for helping me (because they did!) and wish them a great day. It’s a humbling experience. And I need to humble myself.” Of course, I’m worried that she might be shocked at how poorly she is treated at the DMV. As if this hasn’t happened every day to Grace. As if she doesn’t have a Savior to rely on and a love for humility to pursue.

                Almost a month has passed since I actually began this post. Three Wednesdays ago, before I left Chicago for my graduation, Grace was not on her street corner. My thoughts plummeted. Maybe her son finally did kick her out and she couldn’t manage to make it there to keep selling magazines? Maybe she is hurt? The next Wednesday she wasn’t there either.

                Or maybe she actually got her State ID. And maybe she is living in her own apartment and began a different job. I try to hope. And I just find myself begging God to protect her.  

                So, I don’t know where this leaves me. Perhaps a lack of faith. Perhaps a grasp on the reality of the homeless lifestyle. “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.” (Matthew 25:40) I want to suggest that Grace ministered to me. Indeed, in humility, experience, wisdom, dedication to God next to Grace I am the “least of these.” And God used her in my life. Why is it that I’m so tempted to see Him putting me in her life, and not the other way around? She graciously gave up her time, wisdom and cheery outlook to me even when she has been misused and mistreated by so many other people like me. Even those who seem to have good intentions are often seeking self-righteousness or self-gratification through helping others, as I have done many times. It's disgusting, and I pray that God never lets me do it again.

Maybe Grace is worried about me. Wondering where I went. And begging God to protect me. I can only wonder.

For a practical update: I have ended my internship. I am spending the summer in Chicago. Today I moved into an apartment in Rogers Park, the neighborhood in which many refugees I worked with live (It is actually the most diverse zip code in the US). I am working at a coffee shop right next door to my church. 

Last week I was at graduation at Hope College. It was a bittersweet time. Now it’s mostly bitter, as I had to say goodbye to many dear friends. I know in the future it will become sweeter as I begin new relationships, God begins a new season of my life, and as I keep in touch and continue to grow in some older relationships.

Please pray for God to bring about connections in this neighborhood and make it clear exactly what His purpose for me is, in my own character growth and walk with Him as well as ministries while I am here for three months.

More updates about the fall to come later….

“You keep Him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts you.” Isaiah 26:2