Pleasing people...

I thought I'd share a journal entry from October, that still rings true as the Lord continues to confront me with my idol of people-pleasing, especially as I am involved in relationship-focused ministry.

"If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Titus 1:16

"How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?" John 5:44

"October 15, 2012
Tonight I am battling this overwhelming sense of needing to prove to myself and everyone else that I am a desirable, talented, worthy person. I'm also very lonely and empty in this battle.

The irony is that I am not in and of myself desirable, talented or worthy. It should be no surprise that I make huge mistakes, hurt people, say awkward things, turn against God.

The beauty and absolute counter-cultural horror is that, Christ steps in and says, 'Only because I desire you, you are desired (even though you are actually utterly detestable). Only because I am worthy, in you can be found worth (though by yourself you are nothing). Because I redeem and perfect your actions, they actually come to something (but by themselves they will only destruct). All of these things are from and found in Me.'

'I command you to remain in me (John 15) because I give you the permission and ability to, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Others' opinions don't have to run your life. Situations don't have to change you. I am the source of your fulfillment, of your wholeness, of any beauty in your life. You may run to the gifts I've given you to seek fulfillment now, but I tell you that they will never satisfy your deepest longings. Never.

Can you trust in the Giver to give you what you need? Even to the point of death ("Even in death the righteous have a refuge" Prov. 14:32)? 

My gifts are only ever meant to turn you to me, for I want to see your face upturned to mine, my child. I long to hear your voice whispering to me throughout the day. I want to you to confess your fears, your desires, your joys, your pains to me. I want to hold your hand, but as long as you are groping for something else, I can't.'"