As I'm writing this, I'm staring out the window of my hotel room on the 18th floor. I hear the Blue Line rumbling past every 10 minutes or so. I see windows...and windows...and windows. One just fluttered out its light.

This is Chicago.

I feel relieved that I am finally here, while at the same time grieving my loss of community and friends at Hope. Tonight, however, I am reminded of God's faithfulness and goodness, as He was already here working in this city before I ever set foot (and heart and mind) here.

I am saddened at how little I trusted Him last night and this morning. I was stressed and snappy with my parents, rushing back from a weekend at Hope and packing up to drive here this morning. I tend to scold myself and resolve to have more self-control next time, but as I'm thinking about this tonight I think I truly do not trust God enough to take care of me. When I am alone in a big city, when I am lost, when I don't think I have anyone to help me or support me, when I leave people I love very dearly...I feel despair. It grieves me that I am not more confident and assured in the fact that the Lord is so good, able, and willing in every situation. I pray He molds my heart to be calm and expectant at all times. Tomorrow is a new day to draw closer to Him.

"Blessed is the one who trusts in you." Ps 84:12

"My soul faints with longing for your salvation, but I have put my hope in your word." Ps. 130:5

It's at times like these that I am reminded that the world (and my heart) is not as it ought to be. I am longing for a home not present on this earth.

"How lovely is your dwelling place,
LORD Almighty!
My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.
Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
they are ever praising you." Psalm 84:1-4

But because things are not as they should be, by God's grace and calling I am committed to doing what I can to break the chains of people around me. I ran across this short essay that explains some (although not all) of why I want to work with marginalized populations and am walking toward a life of simplicity, living and working among the poor, the helpless, the difficult, the alienated by society. I still have some responsibilities to fulfill in order to finish my college degree, but I choose to trust in God's timing, and I hope to grow in living out these truths right here in this city.

An excerpt from The Lausanne Covenant:

"God is both the Creator and Judge of all men. We therefore should share his concern for justice and reconciliation throughout human society and for the liberation of men and women from every kind of oppression. Because men and women are made in the image of God, every person, regardless of race, religion, colour, culture, class, sex or age, has an intrinsic dignity because of which he or she should be respected and served, not exploited. Here too we epress penitence both for our neglect and for having sometimes regarded evangelism and social concern as mutually exclusive. Although reconciliation with other people is not reconciliation with God, nor is social action evangelism, nor is political liberation salvation, nevertheless we affirm that evangelism and socio-political involvement are both part of our Christian duty. For both are necessary expressions of our doctrines of God and Man, our love for our nieghbour and our obedience to Jesus Christ. The message of salvation implies also a message of judgment upon every form of alienation, oppression and discrimination, and we should not be afraid to denounce evil and injustice wherever they exist. When people receive Christ they are born again into his kingdom and must seek not only to exhibit but also to spread its righteousness in the midst of an unrighteous world. The salvation we claim should be transforming us in the totality of our person and social responsibilities. Faith without works is dead."

It's late...and my thoughts and writings are scattered, but the Lord is giving me undeserved peace tonight.
I'll write more when my internship starts and I move in to my apartment. May the Lord bless you with peace tonight as well, and may you be thankful!